By Dean Sprague

Some things have always baffled me.  It seems it’s always the same people that run out of fuel and others never seem too.  I have noticed this when we have gone on car club touring events, riding with friends and also watching some of my children mature.  There are always 1 or 2 people that are running on the fumes just as we begin our preplanned tours.  My daughter also had an affinity for this.  She always managed to keep about 1 gallon of fuel in her tank as all times.   I tried to explain to her if you travel the same distance to and from your college classes, job and recess activities every week you will usually burn about the same amount of fuel.  Therefore if you filled your tank and ran your car until you were down just below half a tank then refilled it again instead of running on empty your consumption would not increase but you would always have fuel in reserve should you have an emergency.  We both agreed that this was a logical and simple solution but somehow it never happened until she had children.  Then I think her protective instincts overtook her and I don’t think has run out of fuel since.

Here is another thing that continues to puzzle me.  Most women will keep their houses clean and scrubbed and presentable almost all the time but sometimes their cars cleanliness are the antitheses of this.  I have seen their vehicles so filthy I was reluctant to sit in them without the protection of a body bag.   A friend of my son’s went on a five-day business trip.  His friend and his wife decided this would be a great opportunity to take her car to a body shop for some bicycle scratch and dent removal and she would use his car in the interim.   When he returned he noticed that every cup holder in the vehicle (12 in all) held a least a half empty bottle of water (with and without lids).  The passenger seat and floorboards were also completely covered in discarded fast food wrappers and happy meal boxes.  Wouldn’t it be easier to simply place the wrappers, empty cups and other debris in the original bags they came in then simply discard them?  According to my son the water bottle thing may be epidemic with his generation.  I have no reference point for a response to that.

I am sure you have heard the classic “what are all those lights on the dash for”?  You know they are affectionately referred to as “idiot lights”.  When the ‘Service Due’ light begins to flash if you ignore it and wait long enough it usually goes out until you restart the car.  Then the process repeats itself. 

This person  (identity to be left unknown) commented that the car had been doing that forever but since it kept going out thought the light was defective.  When they went to trade the poor thing the dealer had to explain what never changing the oil will do to a warranty.  Another person found an easy solution to the annoying ‘Engine warning’ light that just stays on and won’t go out.  Simply put an object in front of the light or tape it over.  Their cell phone did a great job.  Well until the engine seized anyway.  I think we can safely say these are not car people.  

Have you ever wondered why owners manuals have all that simplistic stuff in them like how to actually drive the car, how to get in and out of it, don’t leave it running in a closed garage, never carry passengers in the trunk and of course what all those pesky warning lights are for?  Well now you do.  Someone told me it was probably less for information purposes and more to help survive legal challenges, I believe it.

Now here is an uncontrollable obsession I have and it too may be foolish.  It is not possible for me to go on a road trip without completely detailing my car.  This includes paint touchup (where required), claying and waxing plus general interior cleanup until it looks and smells new again, of course this is in addition to checking all fluids, tire pressures etc.  Somehow the car just seems to run better, drive tighter and I believe the stereo even sounds better plus it improves the mileage.  I know it’s  all fiction but I really want to believe it because it makes me feel better.  My wife says, “you do know that when we travel through all kinds of weather the car will be filthy by the time we get there anyway, so what difference does it make?”  Of course she is right but somehow starting out fresh and clean makes the entire trip better.  It’s like when you just get out of the shower and you are squeaky clean with that fresh all over feeling.  I found comfort when I discovered that my twisted behavior was more common than I thought.  Several club members told me they do almost the same thing prior to a long trip (not sure about the shower thing though).

When you walk through a parking lot have you ever noticed how many really expensive late model vehicles are covered in scratches, wheel scrubs, dents and just plain dirty?  Worst, most of them seem to be hi-end SUVs.  It would seem if you are going to spend upwards of $75 to 100K plus for a vehicle even if you don’t care about it wouldn’t you try to protect your resale value, a little anyway?  Seems logical to me.  It might be my upbringing but if I am going to spend that kind of money for anything I am going to maintain and care for it, like it or not.   Maybe its just part of the “I must have everything new” mentality so everything is replaced regularly.  I think some must view cars like potato chips, chew them up they will just make more.

There is this hypothesis that only auto enthusiasts really care about cars, classic or otherwise.  Further if we extend this theory a bit, some car guys view their ride as an extension of their manhood.  This theory may have some value.  When you own a vehicle that can accelerate from zero to 60mph in less than 4 seconds and achieve a top speed of 195 and you actually believe this is a basic requirement to fulfill your transportation needs you may be mentally ill or a car guy.  I am sure we all realize that today that there are few if any places where you could drive it that fast but somehow that is irrelevant, just knowing you can is comfort enough.  I admit this is probably not rational but hey if it feels good you should do it.

If you are fortunate enough to own a car that gives you real pleasure no matter what kind or how fast it can go you are very fortunate.  If just sitting in it let alone drive it rewards you with real enjoyment and/or you find satisfaction in cleaning, waxing and just caring for it you are a real car guy.  Like women some cars will always be eternally beautiful and you never weary from just looking at them.  I can think of a few cars and actually some women too can you?